Top Ten Signs You’ll Never Break 100

• The starter sees you coming and quickly puts out a sign that says No Swing, No Clue, No Service.
  
• You’ve never shot your age but you have shot your cholesterol count.
  
• Your idea of an athlete is John Daly downing a frosty tall one with a cigarette dangling off his lip.
  
• You refuse to post a score until Florida does a hand recount of each hole.
  
• Your name is Tripp Bogart, but you’re better known as Triple Bogey.
  
• The only eagle you ever had was confiscated by a Fish and Game official.
  
• Every year you attend the Million Mulligan Man March.
  
• You’d much rather break 100 hymens.
  
• Instead of practicing, you buy magic birdie beans from a gypsy woman.
  
• After 18 holes, your buddy wants to play another round but you’d rather cuddle.

© Clark Peterson author of The Goober's Guide To Golf