Top Ten Signs Your Caddie Wants You To Lose
- Your new driver is slathered with bacon drippings and stick-um.
- He wipes the mud off your ball with coarse #10 sandpaper.
- You hear him whisper to another caddy that you're a "major league.." something.
- He suggests you shorten the hole by teeing off over the snake-infested swampland "unless you're a pussy willow sissy boy."
- As you line up your putt, he does shadow puppets on your pants.
- He says he'd like to help you read your putts but he's illiterate.
- When you sink a birdie putt, he moans "there goes my bet."
- During your swing you hear him feverishly talking on his cell phone, but it's only to the time-recording lady.
- When you ask him where to aim your next shot, he points to his left breast.
- He hands you a driver, 9 iron and putter and tells you "meet me on the next hole and don't mess up!"
© Clark Peterson author of The Goober's Guide To Golf