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Top Ten New Additions to the Rules of Golf
- It’s OK to test the green’s surface before putting. Fondle
it, nuzzle it, have a relationship with it...we don’t care.
- If Tiger Woods is leading the tournament after 3 days,
you must put down your clubs and leave quietly.
- If you accidentally nudge your ball off the tee, Trembling
Tommy, it counts. Better snort some Valium
- The yuppie in the designer togs and expensive graphite
clubs shall incur no penalty, but shall spend the after
life in polyester from Target and drive a used Pinto.
- If you bore everyone with a shot-by-shot account of your
round, you will be hanged at the 19th hole with a sock in
your mouth.
- Stadler-Lewinsky Rule: wearing kneepads shall not be considered
building a stance.
- Alzheimer’s Rule: if you cannot find your ball within
5 minutes, check the ballwasher.
- You may not make any stroke with the aid of artificial
devices, except for voluptuous implants.
- A ball that breaks into pieces counts as one stroke. Next
time, play a ball that isn’t so cheap, Mr. K-Mart close-out
special.
- Dung in a bunker is a natural object and may not be moved,
unless it’s your own
© Clark Peterson author of The Goober's Guide
To Golf
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